September was my mourning month. I'm not saying that when the calender flipped to October I was all smiles..but truly, September seemed to cover me in emotions I have been running away from.
It may have been because our last house guests left in the middle of August and we had no company coming until the first week in October. A month without guests...that hasn't happened since moving in our home in February. Don't get me wrong...having loving friends and family near has blessed us, but it has also allowed me to "live on the surface". Meaning, I have been able to care for others and keep my focus on their needs, which gave me the gift of not looking to closely at my reality.
September mourn.
October brought lovely friends who lavished love on us. It also brought longer runs on our Fridays. Today I did 18 miles. It amazes me how much mental preparation plays a part in this journey of training. Last week we ran 10 miles, and I was done after the last step. I couldn't have gone another mile...I dragged myself to the ocean and stayed there like a beached whale. Today after completing 18 miles, I was wiped..but did it. The mind is an amazing muscle. It's as if I work myself up to the long Friday all week...accepting in my mind the task before me..and I....JUST DO IT! :)
Last week my Pastor shared about the "Beauty in the crushing". Being crushed hurts..we hate it, we fight it, we look for an escape from it. Yet, it is in our season of crushing that our Lord refines us. To be made beautiful in Him is not a painless process. The hurt we feel as the outer layers get shaved away..only make us that much more beautiful.
My goal for the Honolulu Marathon is mine, but it is not my only goal. Another goal of mine is to continue to STAND in my crushing season....so that when you see beauty in me...you would only see HIM!
Gotta Run!
Friday, October 22, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Maui Half Marathon..and beyond!
To be perfectly honest....(which strikes me as such a ridiculous statement!) Rarely does being honest ever come across as perfect. Regardless, I am floundering...floating...existing. I find myself having arguments, heated debates...with myself.
To be experiencing debilitating emotions that frustrate me..shame me..confuse me..crush me..even for a moment, leave me with feelings of unworthiness. I tell myself, "snap out of it, don't be such a martyr!". I look at myself in the mirror and the mess that looks back at me is either unrecognizable or becoming all too familiar to me.
One description that comes to mind is being at the bottom of the deep end of the pool and pushing off with your feet to propel yourself up to the surface...but no matter how hard you kick and slice through the water with your hands and arms...you make no progress. Exhausted from all your efforts to get to the top, you look down and see that an anchor has been tied around one of your ankles, not allowing you to reach the top for air. You feel empty and depleted. The only hope you have of surfacing is to reach down, pick up the anchor with both arms and walk it to the shallow end..dragging it if and when necessary. The question that always plagues me in this scenario is this...WHERE does the energy come from to do this? HOW do I/we tap into the "reserve" of strength we never even knew we had..at the absolute moment we HAVE to??
The above, no matter how depressing or pathetic it may sound, is exactly how I have been feeling. Whether on my couch, in my car, or when I have just ran 10 miles and still have 3.1 more to go to cross the Finish Line of the Half Marathon.
I crossed that Finish Line. I did it and ran 13 minutes miles. I got my Finisher t-shirt and medal. I also kept walking after I crossed the Finish Line and didn't stop or look back. As the distance between myself and the race grew...I started to cry and had no energy to stop myself. The tears came, the longing for my best friend to greet me with congratulations was enormous and overwhelming. I found a tree after awhile and sank down underneath it and sobbed. I wanted to scream, "screw it!" I wanted to cuss like a sailor at anyone who would listen to me at how unfair it all was! As I closed my eyes and felt my breathing become steadier, I sensed the depth of my aloneness fading away. I looked up into the tree above me and could see the blue sky peek through the branches. I knew the sun was shining even though the shade of the tree was protecting me from the overwhelming warmth of it. Protecting me. Protection. I was being protected. I AM PROTECTED...in the deep waters...when I am at the end of me...in the overwhelmingness of life...I AM PROTECTED. He is ENOUGH.
I may want more...ache and yearn for it, but what I have, who I am, who He is...is enough. I ran the Half Marathon, 13.1 miles on 9/19/10. Five days later I ran 14 miles. This Friday I will run 15. He is ENOUGH!
Gotta Run!
To be experiencing debilitating emotions that frustrate me..shame me..confuse me..crush me..even for a moment, leave me with feelings of unworthiness. I tell myself, "snap out of it, don't be such a martyr!". I look at myself in the mirror and the mess that looks back at me is either unrecognizable or becoming all too familiar to me.
One description that comes to mind is being at the bottom of the deep end of the pool and pushing off with your feet to propel yourself up to the surface...but no matter how hard you kick and slice through the water with your hands and arms...you make no progress. Exhausted from all your efforts to get to the top, you look down and see that an anchor has been tied around one of your ankles, not allowing you to reach the top for air. You feel empty and depleted. The only hope you have of surfacing is to reach down, pick up the anchor with both arms and walk it to the shallow end..dragging it if and when necessary. The question that always plagues me in this scenario is this...WHERE does the energy come from to do this? HOW do I/we tap into the "reserve" of strength we never even knew we had..at the absolute moment we HAVE to??
The above, no matter how depressing or pathetic it may sound, is exactly how I have been feeling. Whether on my couch, in my car, or when I have just ran 10 miles and still have 3.1 more to go to cross the Finish Line of the Half Marathon.
I crossed that Finish Line. I did it and ran 13 minutes miles. I got my Finisher t-shirt and medal. I also kept walking after I crossed the Finish Line and didn't stop or look back. As the distance between myself and the race grew...I started to cry and had no energy to stop myself. The tears came, the longing for my best friend to greet me with congratulations was enormous and overwhelming. I found a tree after awhile and sank down underneath it and sobbed. I wanted to scream, "screw it!" I wanted to cuss like a sailor at anyone who would listen to me at how unfair it all was! As I closed my eyes and felt my breathing become steadier, I sensed the depth of my aloneness fading away. I looked up into the tree above me and could see the blue sky peek through the branches. I knew the sun was shining even though the shade of the tree was protecting me from the overwhelming warmth of it. Protecting me. Protection. I was being protected. I AM PROTECTED...in the deep waters...when I am at the end of me...in the overwhelmingness of life...I AM PROTECTED. He is ENOUGH.
I may want more...ache and yearn for it, but what I have, who I am, who He is...is enough. I ran the Half Marathon, 13.1 miles on 9/19/10. Five days later I ran 14 miles. This Friday I will run 15. He is ENOUGH!
Gotta Run!
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Ever Onward
I woke up this morning a little sick of myself. I recognized that I was ready to leave my little cocoon, aka my couch. Little by little this past week my eyes began to recognize God moving me...I felt Him giving me a fresh equipping of His strength. I sensed that however necessary and needed my hibernation in sorrow was..it was now a wave that had washed over me. I got out of bed and walked into the living room and reached for the t.v. remote saying aloud to the empty room, "Lord, I want to start my day listening to praise music, I want to lift my voice to you, I choose you!" I found the christian music station I love, turned it on and turned the volume high. As I was reaching for the broom to sweep, my breath caught in my throat as Steven Curtis Chapman's voice filled my house as he sang, "Tomorrow morning if you wake me up and the sun does not appear..I will be here." A song that has been a thread in Skip's in my life since I was 17yrs. I gripped my broom and dropped into the nearest chair as tears fell down my face as the sobbing rocked me. The words just kept coming, "You can cry on my shoulder when the mirror tells us we're older, I will hold you, and I will be here, to watch you grow in beauty, and tell you all the things you are to me...." I cried without holding back, seeing Skip's face as we danced to this song, as we sang this song in the car, as we played it every year on our anniversary... When the song ended I felt Katie's arms around me as she shared the chair with me, whispering to me to "just cry". The next song was a song Katie used in her video slide show she made of her Dad. Ugh! Tears now on both of our faces, she asks, "Do you want me to turn it off?" I shook my head and held her hand as the song played, "Turn up the music, turn it up loud, take a few chances, let it all out. You won't regret it, looking back where you have been....cause it's not who you knew, it's not what you did.....it's how you live"..
Right then I bowed my head, squeezed my eyes shut, held Katie's hand and prayed aloud. "Lord, be big now, I trust you. It's too much and I don't know what to do...keep crying or wipe my tears and stuff it all down...You HAVE to move me. You are our strength and we need YOU! Let me be the mom to Katie that she needs, heal us, please meet us here".
The song ended. Katie and I wiped our tears, our runny noses...and hugged. Big breath. I took my broom and swept. I can't tell you what that was all about other than it was our morning. Our mourning.
I ran/walked 11 miles yesterday. Alone. It took alot for me to push myself out the door but I did it! I wanted to quit at about 8 miles. I actually dropped down in the shade for about a minute and then I told myself, "Get up and finish!" With every step I kept saying out loud, "push it, push it, puuussshh itt!!!!!" I managed to finish and rewarded myself with a cold chilly shower at the beach park where I ran. You may be asking why I didn't just jump into the ocean....honestly..I would've drowned! I was toooo tired to even think about swimming!
There is definitely something to be said for pushing through the ache, the exhaustion, the complete and utter depletion....and coming out on the other side. Driving home, sucking down water, I felt amazing! I texted Katie and that was actually her reply....."Mom, you are amazing!"
Even now as I sit stiff and in pain, 2 aspirin later....I feel amazing..and amazed by Him!
Gotta Run!
Right then I bowed my head, squeezed my eyes shut, held Katie's hand and prayed aloud. "Lord, be big now, I trust you. It's too much and I don't know what to do...keep crying or wipe my tears and stuff it all down...You HAVE to move me. You are our strength and we need YOU! Let me be the mom to Katie that she needs, heal us, please meet us here".
The song ended. Katie and I wiped our tears, our runny noses...and hugged. Big breath. I took my broom and swept. I can't tell you what that was all about other than it was our morning. Our mourning.
I ran/walked 11 miles yesterday. Alone. It took alot for me to push myself out the door but I did it! I wanted to quit at about 8 miles. I actually dropped down in the shade for about a minute and then I told myself, "Get up and finish!" With every step I kept saying out loud, "push it, push it, puuussshh itt!!!!!" I managed to finish and rewarded myself with a cold chilly shower at the beach park where I ran. You may be asking why I didn't just jump into the ocean....honestly..I would've drowned! I was toooo tired to even think about swimming!
There is definitely something to be said for pushing through the ache, the exhaustion, the complete and utter depletion....and coming out on the other side. Driving home, sucking down water, I felt amazing! I texted Katie and that was actually her reply....."Mom, you are amazing!"
Even now as I sit stiff and in pain, 2 aspirin later....I feel amazing..and amazed by Him!
Gotta Run!
Saturday, August 28, 2010
60mph to zero......
The lateness in this update reflects exactly how I feel.......it's as if my internal engine has gone from 60mph to zero. This past week has been the first week that Katie and I have been home alone all summer. It's good to be home, and alone. I doubt I would be experiencing all that I am feeling if I was entertaining guests, or traveling and away from home. Or I should say, succumbing, allowing and accepting the feelings as they engulf me.
For 5 days I have driven Katie to school...picked her up at the end of her day...came home and was in bed by 8pm. What have I done in the between times? Pretty much nothing. Nothing. No exaggeration.
I have watched countless movies on Lifetime. Nestled on my couch. Cried while driving, during my movie marathons, in the shower...
The utter shutting down leaves me feeling powerless to stop it. I THINK of things I should be doing...but don't. Yesterday I knew I had to pay my electric, cable and phone bills, stop at the bank and run to the post office. Holing up in my home all week, I knew these errands HAD to get done. So, what did I do? I waited until the very last moment I could....then picked up Katie from school, and while she drove home, we stopped at every place I needed to so she could walk in and make the payments and mail the box. Katie thought it was cool that she could help me out...I just thought it was pathetic.
I didn't wake up on Monday thinking, "OK, now I'm gonna just chill out". No. I just seem to have a homing device that brings me back to my bed....my couch...my lanai. God IS God. HE is in control. HE is faithful and will never forsake me or leave me. I know this. At this time, this knowledge does not move me off my couch.
While Katie was trying out for a school drama production Wednesday night, I went running. I set a goal of 5 miles and plugged into my Ipod. I did it. I also came home and crawled into bed without showering or changing out of my running clothes.
A season. A dry spell. A breather, down time, checking out. Mourning.
Uncharted waters, navigating through as if my boat is just drifting. Why do I feel I need to ask for permission to feel this way? It's a constant war in my head as I try to be real, be myself, just be.
After writing all the above, I feel compelled to write the following.
Yes, I recognize I'm wallowing in a pit. I won't stay there. It's not home. I do see beyond today. I will lace up my shoes and do my 6 miles....who cares if the whole time I'm running my couch is beckoning me.
Gotta Run!
For 5 days I have driven Katie to school...picked her up at the end of her day...came home and was in bed by 8pm. What have I done in the between times? Pretty much nothing. Nothing. No exaggeration.
I have watched countless movies on Lifetime. Nestled on my couch. Cried while driving, during my movie marathons, in the shower...
The utter shutting down leaves me feeling powerless to stop it. I THINK of things I should be doing...but don't. Yesterday I knew I had to pay my electric, cable and phone bills, stop at the bank and run to the post office. Holing up in my home all week, I knew these errands HAD to get done. So, what did I do? I waited until the very last moment I could....then picked up Katie from school, and while she drove home, we stopped at every place I needed to so she could walk in and make the payments and mail the box. Katie thought it was cool that she could help me out...I just thought it was pathetic.
I didn't wake up on Monday thinking, "OK, now I'm gonna just chill out". No. I just seem to have a homing device that brings me back to my bed....my couch...my lanai. God IS God. HE is in control. HE is faithful and will never forsake me or leave me. I know this. At this time, this knowledge does not move me off my couch.
While Katie was trying out for a school drama production Wednesday night, I went running. I set a goal of 5 miles and plugged into my Ipod. I did it. I also came home and crawled into bed without showering or changing out of my running clothes.
A season. A dry spell. A breather, down time, checking out. Mourning.
Uncharted waters, navigating through as if my boat is just drifting. Why do I feel I need to ask for permission to feel this way? It's a constant war in my head as I try to be real, be myself, just be.
After writing all the above, I feel compelled to write the following.
Yes, I recognize I'm wallowing in a pit. I won't stay there. It's not home. I do see beyond today. I will lace up my shoes and do my 6 miles....who cares if the whole time I'm running my couch is beckoning me.
Gotta Run!
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Breathing
The summer has come to an end...almost. Our travels to California, Arizona and North Carolina are behind us, yet each place left it's imprint on our hearts.
Arriving home we had 8 BEAUTIFUL house guests staying with us, the first beat us home and the last left on Monday. Our door continues to be a revolving one as we have 4 more precious guests coming to visit us on Thursday. During the in between time of company, Katie and I have jumped off the freeway of life and have simply enjoyed...breathing! Our time together is precious to us and to just sit and snuggle and watch a movie, take a nap or hang out at the beach seems the perfect way to spend our last days of summer together.
My long weekend in North Carolina at the She Speaks conference was amazing. To arrive and immediately be surrounded by women who are answering the call they feel the Lord has put on their hearts to write, speak or both...was incredible, intimidating and honestly, completely overwhelming! Sitting and listening to the inner workings of preparing a book proposal and "pitching it"...hearing from Agent's on what they look for before taking you as a client, their expectations on how YOU as the writer will market your own book. Sitting with women at lunch as they passed out their business cards which included their contact information, addresses to their blogs, websites and "blog books", etc. I felt like the kid on the outside looking into a world I didn't even know existed! Yet here I was getting a front row seat because the Lord planned it that way! I shared my writings with published authors and received their critiques, listened to their stories of how their books got published...and I prayed every minute, asking the Lord, "please show me why I'm here and what this all means to me".
By settling into my seat as I boarded the plane back to Maui, my Father whispered sweet words that touched my soul. He said, "your obedience IS your calling, I will use it for my glory". His equipping is truly for each moment, and in those moments He wants to reveal Himself in us, and He desires for us to follow Him...sometimes straight into the unknown! I met women who KNEW they were created to write. I met women who have been Speaking for several years and although I felt completely out of my comfort zone, I took enough notes to fill my entire notebook and I hung onto each pearl of wisdom shared by the Speakers, authors, agents and publishers. I knew all that I was learning would equip me for whatever the Lord wanted for me.
I returned home with a renewed desire to write more, to read my journals and notes I have written this past year and focus on what is inside of me that could come out in the form of an article, a short story....a book, or just a heartfelt letter to friends like you!
Being Katie's mom, helping her prepare for her Jr. year, getting her driver's license, walking together as we heal, this I know is my purpose....and I treasure it.
Carol and I are working on a running schedule again and I am thankful for the ability to lace up my sneakers, plug into my ipod and run until she says stop!
Gotta Run!
Arriving home we had 8 BEAUTIFUL house guests staying with us, the first beat us home and the last left on Monday. Our door continues to be a revolving one as we have 4 more precious guests coming to visit us on Thursday. During the in between time of company, Katie and I have jumped off the freeway of life and have simply enjoyed...breathing! Our time together is precious to us and to just sit and snuggle and watch a movie, take a nap or hang out at the beach seems the perfect way to spend our last days of summer together.
My long weekend in North Carolina at the She Speaks conference was amazing. To arrive and immediately be surrounded by women who are answering the call they feel the Lord has put on their hearts to write, speak or both...was incredible, intimidating and honestly, completely overwhelming! Sitting and listening to the inner workings of preparing a book proposal and "pitching it"...hearing from Agent's on what they look for before taking you as a client, their expectations on how YOU as the writer will market your own book. Sitting with women at lunch as they passed out their business cards which included their contact information, addresses to their blogs, websites and "blog books", etc. I felt like the kid on the outside looking into a world I didn't even know existed! Yet here I was getting a front row seat because the Lord planned it that way! I shared my writings with published authors and received their critiques, listened to their stories of how their books got published...and I prayed every minute, asking the Lord, "please show me why I'm here and what this all means to me".
By settling into my seat as I boarded the plane back to Maui, my Father whispered sweet words that touched my soul. He said, "your obedience IS your calling, I will use it for my glory". His equipping is truly for each moment, and in those moments He wants to reveal Himself in us, and He desires for us to follow Him...sometimes straight into the unknown! I met women who KNEW they were created to write. I met women who have been Speaking for several years and although I felt completely out of my comfort zone, I took enough notes to fill my entire notebook and I hung onto each pearl of wisdom shared by the Speakers, authors, agents and publishers. I knew all that I was learning would equip me for whatever the Lord wanted for me.
I returned home with a renewed desire to write more, to read my journals and notes I have written this past year and focus on what is inside of me that could come out in the form of an article, a short story....a book, or just a heartfelt letter to friends like you!
Being Katie's mom, helping her prepare for her Jr. year, getting her driver's license, walking together as we heal, this I know is my purpose....and I treasure it.
Carol and I are working on a running schedule again and I am thankful for the ability to lace up my sneakers, plug into my ipod and run until she says stop!
Gotta Run!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
13 months and 2 days..but who's counting???
This morning I woke up with a mental "To Do" list running thru my head..instead of going back to sleep, I rolled out of bed and wrote it all down while it was still fresh in my mind. Grocery shop, check to see if Katie's computer has been cleaned of the virus she received, clean house, laundry, pack.... The list is longer and seems to grow faster than I can check things off. I am packing for my trip to North Carolina tonight. I will be attending the "She Speaks" writer's and speaker's conference for christian women for the next 4 days. My emotions range from excitement to see what God has waiting for all of us when we get there and a sickening feeling that I am going to a place filled with people who are truly gifted in these areas and I will discover that I do not belong. I'm clinging to the hope that the last thought is Satan messing with my head!!
As I look out my windows onto my front porch and take in the beauty of the ocean and let the smell and sound of it wash over me.... I can hear the Lord whispering, "Be obedient, walk where I lead, I got the rest". Simple enough, right????
My thoughts rest on my morning devotional and the truth that was there waiting for me.
What is my vision of God’s purpose for me? Whatever it may be, His purpose is for me to depend on Him and on His power now. If I can stay calm, faithful, and unconfused while in the middle of the turmoil of life, the goal of the purpose of God is being accomplished in me. God is not working toward a particular finish— His purpose is the process itself. What He desires for me is that I see “Him walking on the sea” with no shore, no success, nor goal in sight, but simply having the absolute certainty that everything is all right because I see “Him walking on the sea” ( Mark 6:49 ). It is the process, not the outcome, that is glorifying to God.
The bigger picture we think we are pressing towards is actually of little importance...the trust we place in Him during the process of getting wherever we think we are going IS HIS PURPOSE FOR US.
As I tackle my "To Do" list I will rest in this knowledge, I will prayerfully take it with me as I board my plane, and I will call on it as I sit amidst writer's and speaker's....and know my obedience to Him was my answer to His call.
13 months and 2 days since Skip went home to glory....
I miss him and think of him daily, he is apart of me that I am forever connected to and grateful for. My life is like nothing I expected....it reflects nothing of the goals we set and were pressing towards together... yet, I am convinced without a shadow of a doubt that I am living my days with the Lord holding my hand and I feel His gentle tugging when I dig my heels in because I don't want to take another step...I even say out loud, "No Lord, not one more step, not one more day, not one more hour...". He is beautifully patient!! He waits as I put my pitty party hat on, blow my pitty party horn, and light my pitty party candle. He sends me His words and reminds me that the goal is not getting wherever I think I am going...but the faith I live out during the journey. In that truth.... I take a deep breath and take another step...and yet another.
Gotta Run!
As I look out my windows onto my front porch and take in the beauty of the ocean and let the smell and sound of it wash over me.... I can hear the Lord whispering, "Be obedient, walk where I lead, I got the rest". Simple enough, right????
My thoughts rest on my morning devotional and the truth that was there waiting for me.
What is my vision of God’s purpose for me? Whatever it may be, His purpose is for me to depend on Him and on His power now. If I can stay calm, faithful, and unconfused while in the middle of the turmoil of life, the goal of the purpose of God is being accomplished in me. God is not working toward a particular finish— His purpose is the process itself. What He desires for me is that I see “Him walking on the sea” with no shore, no success, nor goal in sight, but simply having the absolute certainty that everything is all right because I see “Him walking on the sea” ( Mark 6:49 ). It is the process, not the outcome, that is glorifying to God.
The bigger picture we think we are pressing towards is actually of little importance...the trust we place in Him during the process of getting wherever we think we are going IS HIS PURPOSE FOR US.
As I tackle my "To Do" list I will rest in this knowledge, I will prayerfully take it with me as I board my plane, and I will call on it as I sit amidst writer's and speaker's....and know my obedience to Him was my answer to His call.
13 months and 2 days since Skip went home to glory....
I miss him and think of him daily, he is apart of me that I am forever connected to and grateful for. My life is like nothing I expected....it reflects nothing of the goals we set and were pressing towards together... yet, I am convinced without a shadow of a doubt that I am living my days with the Lord holding my hand and I feel His gentle tugging when I dig my heels in because I don't want to take another step...I even say out loud, "No Lord, not one more step, not one more day, not one more hour...". He is beautifully patient!! He waits as I put my pitty party hat on, blow my pitty party horn, and light my pitty party candle. He sends me His words and reminds me that the goal is not getting wherever I think I am going...but the faith I live out during the journey. In that truth.... I take a deep breath and take another step...and yet another.
Gotta Run!
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Trusting
Time has seemed to fly by while being on vacation in California. Katie and I have been able to spend time with Skip's family and we have treasured every minute. The rich conversations I have had with Skip's parents have shown me that the Lord has plans even when we feel we are depleted and unusable. Since arriving in California I have been coughing alot, a cough similar to the one I had when being re-diagnosed with Breast Cancer. My cough seemed to get progressively worse and I actually had to go to the ER and be treated. I am now taking steroids, anti-biotics and an inhaler.... I also injured my left foot while running and had to get a cortisone shot in my ankle and keep off it for 2 weeks. None of this was a part of "my plan".....yet, somehow the Lord has used it for His will, and allowed me to sit and be still and truly have quality time with Betty and Sam, Skip's parents. We have cried, laughed, questioned circumstances....and prayed together. This is where I see the hand of God. Praying with Skip's parents is our Father's will.....it is in these prayers that they and I find healing, comfort, peace and truly strength to lay all things before Him.
Sam and Betty are beautiful people who are hurting....they have lost both their sons in the last 6yrs. Sam is angry with God and has many questions....Betty aches and her heart is shattered..yet she is eager to pray and ask the Lord for His strength. They have been married for nearly 50yrs. Being with them and spending time with them is the very best...and yet it is also extremely hard...a double-edged sword. I look at them, watch them hold hands in the car...snuggle on the couch...remind each other to take his or her medicine...and I feel my eyes fill with tears, as I long for what they have. In the midst of aching for what I miss, I trust the Lord and I know He walks me thru each day and moment. My life is His.. the cost, for all of us, has been counted by Him, His provisions for us are the equipping we need to breathe deep, wipe away the tears, and fall to our knees as He shows us His beauty in the ashes.
My training has suffered...my prayer is that this week ahead will allow me to press into running again. My cough is improving and diminishing, all good signs and reasons to lace up my tennies!!
Gotta Run!
Sam and Betty are beautiful people who are hurting....they have lost both their sons in the last 6yrs. Sam is angry with God and has many questions....Betty aches and her heart is shattered..yet she is eager to pray and ask the Lord for His strength. They have been married for nearly 50yrs. Being with them and spending time with them is the very best...and yet it is also extremely hard...a double-edged sword. I look at them, watch them hold hands in the car...snuggle on the couch...remind each other to take his or her medicine...and I feel my eyes fill with tears, as I long for what they have. In the midst of aching for what I miss, I trust the Lord and I know He walks me thru each day and moment. My life is His.. the cost, for all of us, has been counted by Him, His provisions for us are the equipping we need to breathe deep, wipe away the tears, and fall to our knees as He shows us His beauty in the ashes.
My training has suffered...my prayer is that this week ahead will allow me to press into running again. My cough is improving and diminishing, all good signs and reasons to lace up my tennies!!
Gotta Run!
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