This race was awesome!! Over 24,000 runners,walkers,joggers...and me! :) The biggest and longest run I have participated in so far and once again, crossing the Finish Line seems to erase from my memory all the exhaustion and pain I was feeling just moments before. Seeing friends and family thru out the race was an added bonus, finishing 8.6 miles in exactly 2hrs and holding hands with my cousins as we crossed the Finish Line is a memory I will forever treasure.
To be a small part of something so big gave me a sense of assurance that I was where I was supposed to be and doing what I was supposed to be doing. Receiving my race shirt at the end that says "Finisher" on the back, reminded me of 2 Timothy 4:7:"I have fought the good fight. I have finished the course. I have kept the faith."
This verse holds many meanings for me as it has come into my life at various times. Today it was comforting as I want most of all to finish strong in this race of life that we all participate in. Lord, as I show up and dance, let me glorify You!
Today's race was more about doing it with family...encouraging and supporting each other...not about improving my time...not this race, not today. I finished knowing I could have ran harder and finished sooner. The choice I made to walk with my cousins allowed us to make a memory together that benefits us all... for them it encouraged and built their confidence. For me, understanding that I could keep a strong pace on my own while sharing a moment with family that will last a lifetime. It was a decision I made with counting the cost.....our lives and the trials we face were and are allowed to touch us because our Father already counted the cost. That knowledge should give us all the strength to daily, moment by moment, relinquish control once again.
I am happily exhausted! With ibuprofin near my bedside and a heating pad under my lower back, I will fall asleep beside my daughter and thank the Lord for His definition of beautiful.
Gotta Run!
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Great Aloha Run Eve
Tomorrow is the Great Aloha Run.....8.6 miles on Oahu. This race will have over 22,000 runners participating and I am looking forward to being a part of it. Earlier this week Carol and I walked/jogged over 8 miles on Maui on the beach. It was a nice confidence booster to give me a small taste of what's to come. I am finding that I am recovering quicker from the jogging spurts we do...which is awesome! I still don't consider myself a runner by any stretch of the imagination, but I am seeing improvements which give me great encouragement.
Today is Valentine's....that special day when love is celebrated, regardless if it's a new romance, or one that has stood the test of time. I sat in church this morning and our Pastor asked all the couples represented to stand so we could pray for them....staying seated and closing my eyes to pray was a little harder than I expected. Not because I didn't want to pray for the couples.....more because I wanted to be one... This journey is definitely one that seems to unfold in ways I can't seem to anticipate. I can however, keep my eyes looking up and continue gaining strength from the one who chose it for me.
I shed tears today...not because of all the valentine's hype....it seemed as if something was bubbling to the surface...and as I tried to control it, I had to face the reality that I may need to let it truly surface. Sometimes pushing the pain down and pressing on is easier, much easier, than going deep with pain that may leave me spinning a little out of control. I seem to want to choose the time and place for my tears...yet I am beginning to realize that may not be left for me to control.
Being on Oahu can be a double edged sword......it is great to drive around and see familiar places that bring back tender, funny, special memories from years gone by. Yet those memories can cut deeply...I think that is what happened today, and I was trying desperately to shut the door and keep those emotions at bay. Lord, give me the strength and courage to face what You want me to, when You want me to, in the way You want me to.
Tonight... I will shut my mind down, close my eyes and rest in the knowledge that I am where I am supposed to be and sleep with assurance that I have done what I was supposed to do.
Tomorrow... I will get up before 5am, put on those familiar running clothes, my shoes that have become friends, and I will show up and dance.
Gotta Run!
Today is Valentine's....that special day when love is celebrated, regardless if it's a new romance, or one that has stood the test of time. I sat in church this morning and our Pastor asked all the couples represented to stand so we could pray for them....staying seated and closing my eyes to pray was a little harder than I expected. Not because I didn't want to pray for the couples.....more because I wanted to be one... This journey is definitely one that seems to unfold in ways I can't seem to anticipate. I can however, keep my eyes looking up and continue gaining strength from the one who chose it for me.
I shed tears today...not because of all the valentine's hype....it seemed as if something was bubbling to the surface...and as I tried to control it, I had to face the reality that I may need to let it truly surface. Sometimes pushing the pain down and pressing on is easier, much easier, than going deep with pain that may leave me spinning a little out of control. I seem to want to choose the time and place for my tears...yet I am beginning to realize that may not be left for me to control.
Being on Oahu can be a double edged sword......it is great to drive around and see familiar places that bring back tender, funny, special memories from years gone by. Yet those memories can cut deeply...I think that is what happened today, and I was trying desperately to shut the door and keep those emotions at bay. Lord, give me the strength and courage to face what You want me to, when You want me to, in the way You want me to.
Tonight... I will shut my mind down, close my eyes and rest in the knowledge that I am where I am supposed to be and sleep with assurance that I have done what I was supposed to do.
Tomorrow... I will get up before 5am, put on those familiar running clothes, my shoes that have become friends, and I will show up and dance.
Gotta Run!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Breaking thru limits
As I progress with my training, my walks and jogs are getting longer. I find myself facing the longer runs and walks with mixed emotions....a part of me feels nervous and scared about adding miles because I know my limits....yet another part of me is truly excited by the progress. Left on my own, I would have had the dream of running a marathon, but no real understanding of how to accomplish it. I am truly thankful for my good friend and trainer, Carol.....she has helped me to go beyond my limits...when I think I can't continue....she is right there to push me thru and help me tap into the remaining strength still left in me. At the end of the day, I am able to look back on what we accomplished, and I marvel at the fact that in 5 weeks I have gone from walking 4 times around my backyard reservoir...to walk/jogging 6.5 miles in less than 90 minutes. Not focusing on so much 90 minutes...but the miles. Thank you Lord, for the desire You planted in me regarding this goal, but also for providing me with someone to help me achieve it.
Being in our new home, we feel peace. Walking/jogging and preparing for the 8.6 mile run on Oahu on 2/15/10 brings me a sense of rightness as I seek Him and His will. Being in church tonight and being asked if I would share with the college girls in March my testimony and my heart for them shows me that Your plan is being revealed in so many areas.....the common thread is obedience....we are called to obey, and then simply watch as You reveal Yourself in us. Father, thank you for being ENOUGH. My eyes still fill with tears...my heart still aches...but just as I told Katie on the way home tonight...Satan has to ask the Lord for permission to sift us, just like Job..and just like Job...the Lord counted the cost of our pain in our loss before it ever became our reality. The fact that we hurt..along with the fact that we still seek Him and hunger for our church fellowship...is His glory.
Gotta Run!
Being in our new home, we feel peace. Walking/jogging and preparing for the 8.6 mile run on Oahu on 2/15/10 brings me a sense of rightness as I seek Him and His will. Being in church tonight and being asked if I would share with the college girls in March my testimony and my heart for them shows me that Your plan is being revealed in so many areas.....the common thread is obedience....we are called to obey, and then simply watch as You reveal Yourself in us. Father, thank you for being ENOUGH. My eyes still fill with tears...my heart still aches...but just as I told Katie on the way home tonight...Satan has to ask the Lord for permission to sift us, just like Job..and just like Job...the Lord counted the cost of our pain in our loss before it ever became our reality. The fact that we hurt..along with the fact that we still seek Him and hunger for our church fellowship...is His glory.
Gotta Run!
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Moved In!
I am typing as I look out my windows that frame the beautiful ocean and it's activity perfectly! The past 2 weeks have been filled with the busyness of packing and moving and unpacking and settling...I am truly blessed by the help from God's kids who came along side me and moved me in record time! We have been in our new home for a week and we already feel at peace and look forward to unpacking our things and surrounding ourselves with treasured memories.
I managed to press on in my training although it was a challenge. I ran another 5k on saturday in Makena and had a blast! I use the word "ran" loosley as I still walk/jog...but I did shave 4 minutes off my time, finishing the 5k in 40 minutes.
As we were nearing the final stretch, Carol told me to find someone ahead of me and set a goal to pass them, and try to finish before them. I picked a woman about my age and kept my eyes on her....she was jogging steady and I started to jog towards her and slowly passed her. The Finish line seemed to be farther away than I thought and I wasn't sure if I could keep my pace....but I kept at it. I smiled when I heard Carol from behind yell, "Go Kimmy, keep running girl!!" :) This allowed me to burst ahead and use every ounce of energy I had left. Crossing the Finish line feels awesome, I know I have a long way to go...but that sense of completion, mixed with sheer physical exhaustion is addicting! :) This 5k allowed us to have an ankle chip so the time was clocked and I could view it by matching it to my bib number. This race was also bigger than the last, about 800 runners. I am always amazed at the range of ages and physical conditions of all who participate. I'm getting the impression that running can be more of a mental battle rather than skill...although I need both! I even "ran" into runners from my first 5k who greeted me and wished me well before we began. I smiled inwardly at the thought of me becoming a familiar face in the "running circle" on Maui...who would of thunk it!!
I am going to Oahu this weekend to run in the Great Aloha Run...it's 8.6 miles. This week starting tomorrow, Carol will be having my runs daily lengthened. I will be jog/walking about 5-6 miles every other day. I'm nervous about the length of the upcoming race, but excited at the same time. It will be my longest jog/walk so far. Lord, please equip me!!
I met with my dr on Friday and discussed the results of my body scans. My cancer has remained contained in both of my lungs, no new spots have developed and the existing spots have not enlarged. My body seems to be responding to the Tamoxifen and I am truly blessed!!! I will have new scans done again in 3 months. As long as my body continues to respond to the medicine, we will stay the course. Chemo will be in my future if that is God's will.....but again...not today!
Katie told me that she is proud of me, with words but also with her eyes...they seemed to look at me with rising hope....that alone filled me with deeper determination!
Gotta Run!
I managed to press on in my training although it was a challenge. I ran another 5k on saturday in Makena and had a blast! I use the word "ran" loosley as I still walk/jog...but I did shave 4 minutes off my time, finishing the 5k in 40 minutes.
As we were nearing the final stretch, Carol told me to find someone ahead of me and set a goal to pass them, and try to finish before them. I picked a woman about my age and kept my eyes on her....she was jogging steady and I started to jog towards her and slowly passed her. The Finish line seemed to be farther away than I thought and I wasn't sure if I could keep my pace....but I kept at it. I smiled when I heard Carol from behind yell, "Go Kimmy, keep running girl!!" :) This allowed me to burst ahead and use every ounce of energy I had left. Crossing the Finish line feels awesome, I know I have a long way to go...but that sense of completion, mixed with sheer physical exhaustion is addicting! :) This 5k allowed us to have an ankle chip so the time was clocked and I could view it by matching it to my bib number. This race was also bigger than the last, about 800 runners. I am always amazed at the range of ages and physical conditions of all who participate. I'm getting the impression that running can be more of a mental battle rather than skill...although I need both! I even "ran" into runners from my first 5k who greeted me and wished me well before we began. I smiled inwardly at the thought of me becoming a familiar face in the "running circle" on Maui...who would of thunk it!!
I am going to Oahu this weekend to run in the Great Aloha Run...it's 8.6 miles. This week starting tomorrow, Carol will be having my runs daily lengthened. I will be jog/walking about 5-6 miles every other day. I'm nervous about the length of the upcoming race, but excited at the same time. It will be my longest jog/walk so far. Lord, please equip me!!
I met with my dr on Friday and discussed the results of my body scans. My cancer has remained contained in both of my lungs, no new spots have developed and the existing spots have not enlarged. My body seems to be responding to the Tamoxifen and I am truly blessed!!! I will have new scans done again in 3 months. As long as my body continues to respond to the medicine, we will stay the course. Chemo will be in my future if that is God's will.....but again...not today!
Katie told me that she is proud of me, with words but also with her eyes...they seemed to look at me with rising hope....that alone filled me with deeper determination!
Gotta Run!
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Lahaina 5k!!!!
So....I did it, I went to my first dance...and I LOVED it!! The excitement of the run kept me up last night, but it was useless to sleep as my mind was doing it's own racing! Who am I?? I laid in bed last night and wondered just that...
As for us all, the answer to that question can be different depending on our view at the moment. Last night, I was Skip's wife, a woman trying to live out loud and give her daughter some tangible hope amidst the chaos we have been navigating thru lately. I am also a daughter of the King, who trusts with every fiber of my being that He is directing my steps...no matter how awkward, no matter how hesitant...He moves me.
The 5k today was set oceanfront, our view was gorgeous and strengthening...in spite of all the different emotions that seemed to ebb and flow as we covered mile after mile...the ocean was steady...unchanging....constant. Regardless if I looked at it with excited eyes, or while taking gasping breaths, or when I jumped into it after finishing the 5k....it was constant. That simple fact brings great comfort to me..and today was no exception...our Father who created that vast ocean is my constant...refuge.
When I think I can't take another step, when the boxes I am packing to move to our new home seem too many and never ending...and filled with our life from another time...I take a deep breath of the air that sustains me. I put on my running shoes, I drive Katie to her activities, I fill my prescriptions, I read God's words and cling to His promises... and I remember that even when I don't know what's next...I can rest in the comfort of His constant provisions...that are more vast than the ocean!
Although my time of 43.08 was not record shattering to say the least, it was a start to this journey that I am excited to be apart of. There were Marathon runners there today that completed 26 miles in 90 minutes! People of all ages, young to young at heart were present and accounted for. So, rather than set my alarm for 8am and roll out of bed in time for a sip of coffee before church.....I got up at 5:30am and....showed up and danced!
Gotta Run!
As for us all, the answer to that question can be different depending on our view at the moment. Last night, I was Skip's wife, a woman trying to live out loud and give her daughter some tangible hope amidst the chaos we have been navigating thru lately. I am also a daughter of the King, who trusts with every fiber of my being that He is directing my steps...no matter how awkward, no matter how hesitant...He moves me.
The 5k today was set oceanfront, our view was gorgeous and strengthening...in spite of all the different emotions that seemed to ebb and flow as we covered mile after mile...the ocean was steady...unchanging....constant. Regardless if I looked at it with excited eyes, or while taking gasping breaths, or when I jumped into it after finishing the 5k....it was constant. That simple fact brings great comfort to me..and today was no exception...our Father who created that vast ocean is my constant...refuge.
When I think I can't take another step, when the boxes I am packing to move to our new home seem too many and never ending...and filled with our life from another time...I take a deep breath of the air that sustains me. I put on my running shoes, I drive Katie to her activities, I fill my prescriptions, I read God's words and cling to His promises... and I remember that even when I don't know what's next...I can rest in the comfort of His constant provisions...that are more vast than the ocean!
Although my time of 43.08 was not record shattering to say the least, it was a start to this journey that I am excited to be apart of. There were Marathon runners there today that completed 26 miles in 90 minutes! People of all ages, young to young at heart were present and accounted for. So, rather than set my alarm for 8am and roll out of bed in time for a sip of coffee before church.....I got up at 5:30am and....showed up and danced!
Gotta Run!
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Moving...
As I sit amongst boxes that are waiting to be filled, I am realizing that I must make the best use of my energy today and always. My life these last 6 months has been unrecognizable to me....and in some ways I am not familiar with myself and some of my own responses to my reality.
Tonight Katie and I shared heart moments together that were born from pain, sorrows and the ugliness of our own hearts. I treasure our time and am thankful for the moments together....and as I sat across from her and looked into her eyes, I couldn't help but be awed by her...when did she grow up? Lord, her hands are so tiny...baby hands....please hold them in yours...
I have heard that our character is revealed rather than defined in our trials....I continue to pray that what is revealed in us is more of Him....and less of us.
I have pressed on in my training and have walked 2-3 miles a day and have faced the fact that at this point...my reality is...I can jog for a continuous...6 minutes. Ouch...reality sucks. :) So, I will walk and jog into next week and share my successes and failures, hoping that..combined, both will assist me with the journey I trust I am equipped to walk and jog into daily.
I will be writing weekly with my updates and am thankful for any and all comments, whether they are encouraging or just plain good ol' smack talk.....both touch my heart and make me smile!
Gotta Run!
Tonight Katie and I shared heart moments together that were born from pain, sorrows and the ugliness of our own hearts. I treasure our time and am thankful for the moments together....and as I sat across from her and looked into her eyes, I couldn't help but be awed by her...when did she grow up? Lord, her hands are so tiny...baby hands....please hold them in yours...
I have heard that our character is revealed rather than defined in our trials....I continue to pray that what is revealed in us is more of Him....and less of us.
I have pressed on in my training and have walked 2-3 miles a day and have faced the fact that at this point...my reality is...I can jog for a continuous...6 minutes. Ouch...reality sucks. :) So, I will walk and jog into next week and share my successes and failures, hoping that..combined, both will assist me with the journey I trust I am equipped to walk and jog into daily.
I will be writing weekly with my updates and am thankful for any and all comments, whether they are encouraging or just plain good ol' smack talk.....both touch my heart and make me smile!
Gotta Run!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Psalm 18:32-36
Psalm 18:32-36
32 It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.
12 days....I started walking/jogging 12 days ago! The Lord has given me His strength for most of my life....in this endeavor to run this Marathon..the Lord has SHOWN His strength in me these last 12 days. I have no illusions, my abilities that have grown from 3x around the track...to 15 as of today..is only Him. That improvement is empowering and I look forward to so much more as I walk/jog this journey with Him beside me.
33 He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights.
I'm thinking of writing this verse on my shoes.....maybe I will run faster with God's words literally lifting me up!!!! There is always such a "Christmas morning best present" feeling when you come across a verse that speaks to you so personally at just the time you needed to know that TODAY....was already known to Him! Thank you Lord for making me important to You!
34 He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
I huffed and puffed with every lifting of those puny 3 pound weights...and they just got heavier and heavier!!! Lord, allow me to truly grow physically stronger as I press on and grasp a deeper understanding of what You are preparing me for!
35 You give me your shield of victory, and your right hand sustains me; you stoop down to make me great.
Father, I envision You beside me every step I take...I know my life is not this Marathon....yet You provide protection for me while I strive for it...this goal that seems ridiculously insane....yet has truly given me something tangible to share with Katie as she watches my progress. When I am empty...emotionally tapped, physically exhausted....I feel You stoop down near me...wipe the tears from my face....pick me up and yes.....make ME, absolutely nothing....GREAT in my daughter's eyes!
36 You broaden the path beneath me, so that my ankles do not turn.
Because You planted this desire in my heart...this desire to run.....You and only You can broaden the path beneath me. Lord, please let Your strength, when You decide I need it, to NOT allow my ankles to turn....You are my strength!
Today was a day filled with errands and list checking.....yet I wanted to recap as I needed a little perspective about where I am and where I am going. 12 days...12 days of walking, jogging, breathing, eating healthier, drinking water rather than coke...12 days of sheer horrific fear regarding my deepest thoughts about this goal! I needed a clearer perspective in order to appreciate where I began.
I constantly want to share these moments with Skip..to turn to him and smile and wink and say, "Babe, can you believe what I'm doing??!!"....he's always with me, and I do feel him....and I am thankful for that. It is a gift to have been so deeply loved...not perfect love, but deeply loved..and I pray what I do...what I say...what I write...will be my gift back to the Lord for loving me so lavishly that He chose such a partner for me.....
Gotta Run!
32 It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.
12 days....I started walking/jogging 12 days ago! The Lord has given me His strength for most of my life....in this endeavor to run this Marathon..the Lord has SHOWN His strength in me these last 12 days. I have no illusions, my abilities that have grown from 3x around the track...to 15 as of today..is only Him. That improvement is empowering and I look forward to so much more as I walk/jog this journey with Him beside me.
33 He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights.
I'm thinking of writing this verse on my shoes.....maybe I will run faster with God's words literally lifting me up!!!! There is always such a "Christmas morning best present" feeling when you come across a verse that speaks to you so personally at just the time you needed to know that TODAY....was already known to Him! Thank you Lord for making me important to You!
34 He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
I huffed and puffed with every lifting of those puny 3 pound weights...and they just got heavier and heavier!!! Lord, allow me to truly grow physically stronger as I press on and grasp a deeper understanding of what You are preparing me for!
35 You give me your shield of victory, and your right hand sustains me; you stoop down to make me great.
Father, I envision You beside me every step I take...I know my life is not this Marathon....yet You provide protection for me while I strive for it...this goal that seems ridiculously insane....yet has truly given me something tangible to share with Katie as she watches my progress. When I am empty...emotionally tapped, physically exhausted....I feel You stoop down near me...wipe the tears from my face....pick me up and yes.....make ME, absolutely nothing....GREAT in my daughter's eyes!
36 You broaden the path beneath me, so that my ankles do not turn.
Because You planted this desire in my heart...this desire to run.....You and only You can broaden the path beneath me. Lord, please let Your strength, when You decide I need it, to NOT allow my ankles to turn....You are my strength!
Today was a day filled with errands and list checking.....yet I wanted to recap as I needed a little perspective about where I am and where I am going. 12 days...12 days of walking, jogging, breathing, eating healthier, drinking water rather than coke...12 days of sheer horrific fear regarding my deepest thoughts about this goal! I needed a clearer perspective in order to appreciate where I began.
I constantly want to share these moments with Skip..to turn to him and smile and wink and say, "Babe, can you believe what I'm doing??!!"....he's always with me, and I do feel him....and I am thankful for that. It is a gift to have been so deeply loved...not perfect love, but deeply loved..and I pray what I do...what I say...what I write...will be my gift back to the Lord for loving me so lavishly that He chose such a partner for me.....
Gotta Run!
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