Today marks one year since my husband Skip was welcomed into the gates of heaven. The only way I can truly understand that a year has passed is by breaking down each month that has passed and remembering all that has happened. In my heart...it feels as if only moments have gone by since I looked into his handsome face and saw the twinkle in his gorgeous dreamy eyes, or returned his crooked smile.
As Katie and I have been spending precious time with Skip's family in California, gathering together for this marking of time, we all have been lavishing each other with love, comfort and prayers. Today however....Katie and I will take time for the two of us. We will spend today driving up the Pacific Coast Highway and being near the ocean that Skip surfed in as a young boy. The ocean has so many soothing and comforting effects. Not only does it represent Skip's passion of surfing, but it forever reminds us how BIG our God is! His plans included this day one year ago....a day that Skip was enjoying God's creation and the awesome waves he loved to surf. The Lord's plans also include our today....and I am trusting as He reveals to us how this day will unfold...we will see Him in His vast creation of blue surf, white wash, and golden sand. I can't help but think of the verse Psalm 139:17-18a, "How precious are your thoughts for me oh God, if I should count them, they would outnumber the sand!" This verse comforts me today.....giving me fresh hope and a reminder of how our Father loves us so! His best can take our breath away, confuse us, anger us, break us....but when we see thru His eyes, His best is better than life!
I have been writing this past year and truly feel it is His call for me, His way of allowing me to be obedient and share Him with others...I am following Him with a passion He kindles in me. If you think of me today, if thoughts of precious Katie come to your mind....please pray that as we follow Him and serve Him, that He will be all you see when you look at us....pray that He is bigger in us than ourselves.
Skip is where we all yearn to be....he is surfing in perfect waves that are never ending...he is worshiping at the right hand of our Father....Skip....is home.
My dearest Skip, thank you for teaching me so much in 23yrs. All that you taught me ables me to stand today without you by my side. You will forever be in my heart and my life is better, fuller, richer for loving you...and being lavished in your love!
Katie and I will drive down PCH today and marvel at the beauty of the ocean that holds so many memories....memories of yesterday....and amazing ones to come!
"Lord I'm amazed by You..and how you love me".
Gotta Run!
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Camp Wildwood
Hi Friends,
Katie and I are enjoying California and spending time with family and friends. The summer seems to have taken on a life of it's own, but I know it will be filled with love, laughter and treasured memories.
Katie is at camp this week. A camp that I went to when I was her age....or so I thought! Hume Lake is a camp area that holds precious memories for me as a kid. Memories of a beautiful lake, fun in the sun, swimming, beach volleyball, hiking, wonderful christian music and amazing and gifted speakers that touched all of our hearts. The total "mountain top" experience! I wanted Katie to have her own beautiful experience so I registered her for camp...while doing so I noticed that there was a Discipleship Camp for high schoolers that sounded awesome. It talked of getting deep into God's word and spending quality time with the Lord in a majestic setting. Perfect! Right?!.....
My in-laws and I drove Katie and her girlfriend Samantha to camp on Sunday morning, all of us excited for the week ahead for both the girls. I told both girls about my memories and funny stories of camp and the fun I had, sharing with them that they too would make wonderful memories to last a lifetime! As we drove up the mountain I noticed halfway up that Katie was silently crying as she sat next to me. I was surprised and asked her what was wrong....only to have her paint a fake smile on her face and say, "nothing, I'm ok". I hugged her and kissed her and snuggled her, all the while whispering in her ear, "please tell me what's wrong"...only to have her give me that fake smile again and shake her head. FINALLY, I asked her again and she whispered in my ear, "I miss you already. I haven't been away from you since Daddy went to heaven..." I hugged her closer and told her I would miss her too, but the week would be magical and when it was over she would have amazing stories to tell me. We arrived at Hume Lake and it was like the clock turned back 25yrs! I was pointing things out to the girls and telling them things like, "that's where we swam, you'll love it!"....."there's the snack shack, you can get hamburgers and hot dogs and watch the beach volleyball games"....."Oh! there's the General Store...that's where I bought my first "womanly products" and proudly carried my "woman items" up the hill for all to see!" They giggled with me and there eyes were big and excited as they saw all the kids everywhere and the beautiful surroundings.
We drove up to the gate and asked the young security assistant where Camp Wildwood was. (My mother in law was nudging the girls because the security assistant was a handsome teenage boy!) The girls were giggling and taking it all in. When we got directions to Wildwood we drove up the mountain...and kept driving....and kept driving...it seemed as if we were getting farther and farther away from people...cabins... and, gulp...fun. After making 2 trips up and down the hill with no luck finding our destination, we found a man near another campsite and told him we were lost. He said we weren't far and also added, "Usually the kids get dropped off at the bottom of the hill and hike up".....I laughed and said something like, "yeah, right..you're funny". Only...he wasn't laughing. "I'm serious, the kids usually hike up to Wildwood". Hmm. I tell him, "I'm not letting them hike anywhere that I haven't seen, so we will be driving them up to camp". He led us up the hill and guided us into a rural dirt road and pointed from his car window for us to continue ahead. We drove up to a camp area that had a few tables, a large tent that seemed to be the main gathering area and some kids walking around. Once we parked, I got out and was greeted by a young man who introduced himself as one of the counselors. The girls got out of the truck and we made introductions. We started taking out their gear...sleeping bags, suitcases, and a bag of all kinds of snacks we had loaded up for the girls. The young man said, "Oh, sorry, they can't have food in their tent...because it'll attract the bears". Hhmm..., "What? Are you kidding?" I say with a smile and a brave face directed at both the girls. "No, I'm serious, but we can keep the food in our kitchen area if you like". Katie steps towards me and takes the snack bag from my hands and puts it back in the truck, "that's okay mom, just take it home". It would have been fine, had I not seen that her eyes were once again filling with tears that were threatening to fall. What the heck have I done??!!! This WAS NOT my camp experience! "They don't sleep in cabins?" I ask. A young girl steps forward and points out the girls tent, which is a big tent for about 30 or so kids, and then points in the opposite direction towards the boys tent. Some kids step out of the big main tent about now and the girls wave to some friends as they recognize them from home. Kids come toward us and hug the girls and help them with their things. I'm relieved that the girls know some of the campers! I hug them both before leaving and I pray. I pray for safety, fun, sweet fellowship and God's love to be wrapped around them always. I kiss them both as they walk away with the other kids. I have to go back down the hill and register them. The minute I get back into the truck, big tears fall down my face and I am crying openly and asking my in-laws, "What did I just do?! These girls aren't juvenile delinquents, they are sweet kids starting a summer of fun!" When I reach the registration desk I ask one of the women if I could talk with her in private. I explain my camp memories and the year Katie has had, asking her if I have made some HUGE mistake. She smiles and assures me the girls will have a blast. She says the camp is smaller, more intimate and the kids really bond together during the week. She assures me that her daughter had attended the same camp before and truly was blessed... I proceed to ask another woman the same questions, only to get the same answers..the girls will have a great time.
I have been praying every hour on the hour since driving away from that camp. I KNOW the Lord has a beautiful plan for those girls....even if it is NOT what my plans were for them! He loves them more than I do, His plan for them included this week...just because it was surprising to me...doesn't mean it was to our Father. My trust in Him fills me as we drive back down the hill.
I am on a new schedule for running while I am in California, and Friday will be my first run day since arriving. I know that as my feet hit the pavement and I run the trail near the house.....my thoughts, prayers and heart will be filled with those girls! "Lord, I give them to You, they have always been Yours. If it is Your will......PLEASE, please, please....let it be an amazing, magical time for all the campers in Camp Wildwood!!!"
Once again, nothing seems to go as I envisioned...this year has been filled with lessons learned, mountains to climb, hurdles to jump......and now, a camp experience that left me feeling like I drove the girls thru Disneyland without stopping...only to drop them off in Alcatraz!! I can't wait to hear about!
Gotta Run!
Katie and I are enjoying California and spending time with family and friends. The summer seems to have taken on a life of it's own, but I know it will be filled with love, laughter and treasured memories.
Katie is at camp this week. A camp that I went to when I was her age....or so I thought! Hume Lake is a camp area that holds precious memories for me as a kid. Memories of a beautiful lake, fun in the sun, swimming, beach volleyball, hiking, wonderful christian music and amazing and gifted speakers that touched all of our hearts. The total "mountain top" experience! I wanted Katie to have her own beautiful experience so I registered her for camp...while doing so I noticed that there was a Discipleship Camp for high schoolers that sounded awesome. It talked of getting deep into God's word and spending quality time with the Lord in a majestic setting. Perfect! Right?!.....
My in-laws and I drove Katie and her girlfriend Samantha to camp on Sunday morning, all of us excited for the week ahead for both the girls. I told both girls about my memories and funny stories of camp and the fun I had, sharing with them that they too would make wonderful memories to last a lifetime! As we drove up the mountain I noticed halfway up that Katie was silently crying as she sat next to me. I was surprised and asked her what was wrong....only to have her paint a fake smile on her face and say, "nothing, I'm ok". I hugged her and kissed her and snuggled her, all the while whispering in her ear, "please tell me what's wrong"...only to have her give me that fake smile again and shake her head. FINALLY, I asked her again and she whispered in my ear, "I miss you already. I haven't been away from you since Daddy went to heaven..." I hugged her closer and told her I would miss her too, but the week would be magical and when it was over she would have amazing stories to tell me. We arrived at Hume Lake and it was like the clock turned back 25yrs! I was pointing things out to the girls and telling them things like, "that's where we swam, you'll love it!"....."there's the snack shack, you can get hamburgers and hot dogs and watch the beach volleyball games"....."Oh! there's the General Store...that's where I bought my first "womanly products" and proudly carried my "woman items" up the hill for all to see!" They giggled with me and there eyes were big and excited as they saw all the kids everywhere and the beautiful surroundings.
We drove up to the gate and asked the young security assistant where Camp Wildwood was. (My mother in law was nudging the girls because the security assistant was a handsome teenage boy!) The girls were giggling and taking it all in. When we got directions to Wildwood we drove up the mountain...and kept driving....and kept driving...it seemed as if we were getting farther and farther away from people...cabins... and, gulp...fun. After making 2 trips up and down the hill with no luck finding our destination, we found a man near another campsite and told him we were lost. He said we weren't far and also added, "Usually the kids get dropped off at the bottom of the hill and hike up".....I laughed and said something like, "yeah, right..you're funny". Only...he wasn't laughing. "I'm serious, the kids usually hike up to Wildwood". Hmm. I tell him, "I'm not letting them hike anywhere that I haven't seen, so we will be driving them up to camp". He led us up the hill and guided us into a rural dirt road and pointed from his car window for us to continue ahead. We drove up to a camp area that had a few tables, a large tent that seemed to be the main gathering area and some kids walking around. Once we parked, I got out and was greeted by a young man who introduced himself as one of the counselors. The girls got out of the truck and we made introductions. We started taking out their gear...sleeping bags, suitcases, and a bag of all kinds of snacks we had loaded up for the girls. The young man said, "Oh, sorry, they can't have food in their tent...because it'll attract the bears". Hhmm..., "What? Are you kidding?" I say with a smile and a brave face directed at both the girls. "No, I'm serious, but we can keep the food in our kitchen area if you like". Katie steps towards me and takes the snack bag from my hands and puts it back in the truck, "that's okay mom, just take it home". It would have been fine, had I not seen that her eyes were once again filling with tears that were threatening to fall. What the heck have I done??!!! This WAS NOT my camp experience! "They don't sleep in cabins?" I ask. A young girl steps forward and points out the girls tent, which is a big tent for about 30 or so kids, and then points in the opposite direction towards the boys tent. Some kids step out of the big main tent about now and the girls wave to some friends as they recognize them from home. Kids come toward us and hug the girls and help them with their things. I'm relieved that the girls know some of the campers! I hug them both before leaving and I pray. I pray for safety, fun, sweet fellowship and God's love to be wrapped around them always. I kiss them both as they walk away with the other kids. I have to go back down the hill and register them. The minute I get back into the truck, big tears fall down my face and I am crying openly and asking my in-laws, "What did I just do?! These girls aren't juvenile delinquents, they are sweet kids starting a summer of fun!" When I reach the registration desk I ask one of the women if I could talk with her in private. I explain my camp memories and the year Katie has had, asking her if I have made some HUGE mistake. She smiles and assures me the girls will have a blast. She says the camp is smaller, more intimate and the kids really bond together during the week. She assures me that her daughter had attended the same camp before and truly was blessed... I proceed to ask another woman the same questions, only to get the same answers..the girls will have a great time.
I have been praying every hour on the hour since driving away from that camp. I KNOW the Lord has a beautiful plan for those girls....even if it is NOT what my plans were for them! He loves them more than I do, His plan for them included this week...just because it was surprising to me...doesn't mean it was to our Father. My trust in Him fills me as we drive back down the hill.
I am on a new schedule for running while I am in California, and Friday will be my first run day since arriving. I know that as my feet hit the pavement and I run the trail near the house.....my thoughts, prayers and heart will be filled with those girls! "Lord, I give them to You, they have always been Yours. If it is Your will......PLEASE, please, please....let it be an amazing, magical time for all the campers in Camp Wildwood!!!"
Once again, nothing seems to go as I envisioned...this year has been filled with lessons learned, mountains to climb, hurdles to jump......and now, a camp experience that left me feeling like I drove the girls thru Disneyland without stopping...only to drop them off in Alcatraz!! I can't wait to hear about!
Gotta Run!
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Summer
We are on the verge of traveling to California for the summer. We have a summer full of exciting plans, time with friends and family, and also some rich individual time with the Lord. Katie will actually be attending a youth Christian camp that I attended when I was her age. To imagine her there, being where I was at her age and making her own special memories at such a special place...seems like watching something come full circle. A circle that was and is being drawn by our Heavenly Father. The glimpses He gives us of His master plan is both humbling and breathtaking.
My running has continued to improve, and I am so excited to report that on Friday, our long run day, I actually RAN over 5 and a half miles!!! That is to date my longest run without stopping!! It felt amazing!
While we are on vacation, my constant prayer will be that I discipline myself to continue to run daily...even without Carol by my side! This is a huge weakness of mine, so your prayers added to mine would be much appreciated! I am going to look into seeing if there are any 5k's or 10k's in the area we will be staying in just so I can keep my focus on training.
Although my life looks nothing like it did less than a year ago....I am continually learning that our Lord knew long ago what I am only discovering daily.....His purpose will be fulfilled and His plans for all of us will be revealed in His timing.
As I get ready to call it a day, and settle in for the night....I can't help but to stop....be still....close my eyes...and say, "Lord, thank you for loving me, being bigger than what appears overwhelming...and for knowing how the journey will end, before it ever began...that knowledge is my strength, thank you..thank you...thank you!"
Gotta Run!
My running has continued to improve, and I am so excited to report that on Friday, our long run day, I actually RAN over 5 and a half miles!!! That is to date my longest run without stopping!! It felt amazing!
While we are on vacation, my constant prayer will be that I discipline myself to continue to run daily...even without Carol by my side! This is a huge weakness of mine, so your prayers added to mine would be much appreciated! I am going to look into seeing if there are any 5k's or 10k's in the area we will be staying in just so I can keep my focus on training.
Although my life looks nothing like it did less than a year ago....I am continually learning that our Lord knew long ago what I am only discovering daily.....His purpose will be fulfilled and His plans for all of us will be revealed in His timing.
As I get ready to call it a day, and settle in for the night....I can't help but to stop....be still....close my eyes...and say, "Lord, thank you for loving me, being bigger than what appears overwhelming...and for knowing how the journey will end, before it ever began...that knowledge is my strength, thank you..thank you...thank you!"
Gotta Run!
Monday, May 17, 2010
God is ALWAYS active!!!
Since my last blog entry, a few things have been going on! Amidst house guests, making travel plans, the continual hand holding thru puberty....stuff has been happening!
First, I am blessed and excited to share that I have passed the 3 mile running mark!! I am jazzed to say that I can now run 3+ miles without stopping! Such a praise! Carol and I ran a 5k without stopping and it was thrilling and mind blowing a the same time. I knew I WANTED to run it, I knew it was the goal...but I was doubtful about completing the race, running from beginning to end. As we ran and kept a pace that was steady, I worked on my breathing and tried to keep it steady as we covered our first mile, then our 2nd. As we rounded to the Finish Line I was exhilarated as we pushed ourselves to sprint the last few yards to finish strong! It was such a great feeling of accomplishment! Carol was proud of me! My trainer, my slave driver, the voice in my head who pushes me....was proud of me!! Amen!! :)
I also entered a writing contest that a dear friend told me about. This contest was for a scholarship to a Women's conference for women who feel called to write and speak for God's glory. I entered and was so blessed and humbled to be notified that I won!! I will be attending this conference at the end of July and am excited to learn more about how to put feet to my faith regarding answering God's call on my heart to write and speak.
I spent this past weekend at our Women's Retreat here on Maui and came home spiritually blessed! I was honored to speak on Friday night about a beautiful woman of faith in the Bible, Esther. To share what the Lord laid on my heart about such an inspiring woman and her faith was a gift. To remind women, and be reminded myself, that the Lord has called us to stand, regardless of the circumstances and outcome....allowed me to glimpse once again, of the beauty of the Lord's tapestry for us all that He weaves, even while we sleep!
Before the retreat, Carol picked me up and we ran our long beach run. She pushed me farther than ever and I was almost moved to tears of joy when she shared that I ran about 3.4 miles!! We did 6.5 in total, but I ran 3.4!! Thank you Carol!!!!!
Knowing Katie was waiting for me when I returned home from the retreat, knowing she would welcome me with hugs and kisses filled my heart. Snuggling her on the couch and eating popcorn was the perfect ending to a wonderful weekend!
Gotta Run!
First, I am blessed and excited to share that I have passed the 3 mile running mark!! I am jazzed to say that I can now run 3+ miles without stopping! Such a praise! Carol and I ran a 5k without stopping and it was thrilling and mind blowing a the same time. I knew I WANTED to run it, I knew it was the goal...but I was doubtful about completing the race, running from beginning to end. As we ran and kept a pace that was steady, I worked on my breathing and tried to keep it steady as we covered our first mile, then our 2nd. As we rounded to the Finish Line I was exhilarated as we pushed ourselves to sprint the last few yards to finish strong! It was such a great feeling of accomplishment! Carol was proud of me! My trainer, my slave driver, the voice in my head who pushes me....was proud of me!! Amen!! :)
I also entered a writing contest that a dear friend told me about. This contest was for a scholarship to a Women's conference for women who feel called to write and speak for God's glory. I entered and was so blessed and humbled to be notified that I won!! I will be attending this conference at the end of July and am excited to learn more about how to put feet to my faith regarding answering God's call on my heart to write and speak.
I spent this past weekend at our Women's Retreat here on Maui and came home spiritually blessed! I was honored to speak on Friday night about a beautiful woman of faith in the Bible, Esther. To share what the Lord laid on my heart about such an inspiring woman and her faith was a gift. To remind women, and be reminded myself, that the Lord has called us to stand, regardless of the circumstances and outcome....allowed me to glimpse once again, of the beauty of the Lord's tapestry for us all that He weaves, even while we sleep!
Before the retreat, Carol picked me up and we ran our long beach run. She pushed me farther than ever and I was almost moved to tears of joy when she shared that I ran about 3.4 miles!! We did 6.5 in total, but I ran 3.4!! Thank you Carol!!!!!
Knowing Katie was waiting for me when I returned home from the retreat, knowing she would welcome me with hugs and kisses filled my heart. Snuggling her on the couch and eating popcorn was the perfect ending to a wonderful weekend!
Gotta Run!
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Romans 15:13
"May the God of your hope so fill you with all joy and peace in believing [through the experience of your faith] that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound and be overflowing (bubbling over) with hope". Romans 15: 13
Have you ever hesitated jumping head first into joy?
It's the craziest thing, but that is what I feel I am doing..hesitating. I am God's kid, His creation to mold, bend, grow and stretch as He sees fit. Yet we all can recognize the difference when we are walking in obedience without deep emotions pressing us on, simply saying "yes, Lord", "I trust You, even when I don't understand". Then there is the "thrill" of obedience that we get caught up in... because it is just that heady! We climb higher and higher up the high dive that He leads us on, with that tightening in our stomach that doesn't quite have the ability to talk us down....but gets us just enough twisted inside that we let out some nervous laughter, as we keep reaching for the next rung, keep lifting one foot after the other onto the next step leading us higher, knowing the only way down is to take that dive, and leap off the platform, feeling that...joyful, reckless abandon!
I am following the Lord, obediently yielding to Him as I run mile after mile. More often than not, it is the obedience of simply saying, "yes"..(more like, "ugh!!!! aaalllrrriigghhtt!"). Pushing beyond my own limits of comfort...believing that with each jump I take into progress, He meets me there and asks a little more of me. I'm starting..just a little..to sense a quiet joy building. Now, I definitely won't admit that before a run, and I would be breathlessly "joyful" when it's over.
I can proudly say that as of last week, I can now run 2 miles without stopping! I run 12 minute miles! This is heady stuff to me. I have LITERALLY miles to go....but I have come so far, He has taken me so far! I feel like a runner! Last Friday, on our long training day, I ran 8 miles total, but for the first time experienced running 2 miles without stopping for 2 minutes in between! {Yes, this is where you are impressed by me)!
Still, after 4 months of training, I STILL try to think of excuses not to run..I STILL get butterflies in my stomach when we start to take off, and I STILL groan every time Carol tells me to "keep on going, don't stop"!...but I am slowly, oh so slowly!..getting used to pushing past MYSELF.
Beyond my marathon training, the Lord continues to open doors for me, revealing and confirming His plans for me daily.
I have been asked to speak at our Calvary Chapel South Maui's Women's Retreat in May. What a true honor to share God's word with women and walk with them as He allows His message to come out of me! I have also been asked to be a guest speaker in June at Cornerstone Christian Church's Women's Summer Session in Wildomar, California. Both studies, each different, are opportunities I did not seek out...they were presented to me to pray about, which I have and continue to do so as I move forward in obedience to Him. I believe this is an area in which the Lord is calling me to pursue. For now, I feel strongly that He is prompting me to continue writing...and wait for His direction. Once again, trusting He will guide and lead.
It's the high dive all over again. It's the hesitation of embracing joy...almost as if I have gotten comfortable with seeking to be obedient without emotion. Waking up every morning and asking Him to move my feet without a strong emotional pull one way or the other. Knowing the act of obedience will lead me closer to Him and His will. That truth has been and continues to be sufficient. Yet...He's starting to tell me that joy... is coming. It's a part of His plan...and I am hesitant to receive it, to feel it, and honestly...to desire it.
"Lord, be enough. Fill me to overflowing, let me not fear your gift of joy. Let me relax in smiling, not wonder if I should. Let me bathe in "belly-aching, head thrown back, water out my nose, gotta pee" laughter, without questioning it. Let me embrace the unexpected giggles that erupt from being...joyful.
And as I take that dive, head first...let me close my eyes as a smile forms on my lips...and thank you for it!!
Gotta Run!
Have you ever hesitated jumping head first into joy?
It's the craziest thing, but that is what I feel I am doing..hesitating. I am God's kid, His creation to mold, bend, grow and stretch as He sees fit. Yet we all can recognize the difference when we are walking in obedience without deep emotions pressing us on, simply saying "yes, Lord", "I trust You, even when I don't understand". Then there is the "thrill" of obedience that we get caught up in... because it is just that heady! We climb higher and higher up the high dive that He leads us on, with that tightening in our stomach that doesn't quite have the ability to talk us down....but gets us just enough twisted inside that we let out some nervous laughter, as we keep reaching for the next rung, keep lifting one foot after the other onto the next step leading us higher, knowing the only way down is to take that dive, and leap off the platform, feeling that...joyful, reckless abandon!
I am following the Lord, obediently yielding to Him as I run mile after mile. More often than not, it is the obedience of simply saying, "yes"..(more like, "ugh!!!! aaalllrrriigghhtt!"). Pushing beyond my own limits of comfort...believing that with each jump I take into progress, He meets me there and asks a little more of me. I'm starting..just a little..to sense a quiet joy building. Now, I definitely won't admit that before a run, and I would be breathlessly "joyful" when it's over.
I can proudly say that as of last week, I can now run 2 miles without stopping! I run 12 minute miles! This is heady stuff to me. I have LITERALLY miles to go....but I have come so far, He has taken me so far! I feel like a runner! Last Friday, on our long training day, I ran 8 miles total, but for the first time experienced running 2 miles without stopping for 2 minutes in between! {Yes, this is where you are impressed by me)!
Still, after 4 months of training, I STILL try to think of excuses not to run..I STILL get butterflies in my stomach when we start to take off, and I STILL groan every time Carol tells me to "keep on going, don't stop"!...but I am slowly, oh so slowly!..getting used to pushing past MYSELF.
Beyond my marathon training, the Lord continues to open doors for me, revealing and confirming His plans for me daily.
I have been asked to speak at our Calvary Chapel South Maui's Women's Retreat in May. What a true honor to share God's word with women and walk with them as He allows His message to come out of me! I have also been asked to be a guest speaker in June at Cornerstone Christian Church's Women's Summer Session in Wildomar, California. Both studies, each different, are opportunities I did not seek out...they were presented to me to pray about, which I have and continue to do so as I move forward in obedience to Him. I believe this is an area in which the Lord is calling me to pursue. For now, I feel strongly that He is prompting me to continue writing...and wait for His direction. Once again, trusting He will guide and lead.
It's the high dive all over again. It's the hesitation of embracing joy...almost as if I have gotten comfortable with seeking to be obedient without emotion. Waking up every morning and asking Him to move my feet without a strong emotional pull one way or the other. Knowing the act of obedience will lead me closer to Him and His will. That truth has been and continues to be sufficient. Yet...He's starting to tell me that joy... is coming. It's a part of His plan...and I am hesitant to receive it, to feel it, and honestly...to desire it.
"Lord, be enough. Fill me to overflowing, let me not fear your gift of joy. Let me relax in smiling, not wonder if I should. Let me bathe in "belly-aching, head thrown back, water out my nose, gotta pee" laughter, without questioning it. Let me embrace the unexpected giggles that erupt from being...joyful.
And as I take that dive, head first...let me close my eyes as a smile forms on my lips...and thank you for it!!
Gotta Run!
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 3:5-6
It's crazy to me that I pondered on this verse before posting it. In my mind, I wanted to find a verse that would speak to your heart and mine....a verse that would inspire us to press on, words that would strengthen our resolve to once again cast our burdens onto our Father...in faith. I have read this verse many times thru out the years, committed it to memory in Sunday school as a young girl....why did I pass it by, thinking I could find "something better"? At this time in my life, this verse breaks down all the words that could fill my mind, my mouth...to simply...trust in the Lord. Maybe the fact that this verse is soo familiar, is the exact reason why it is speaking volumes to my heart today. :)
I am happy to report that I have reached a point in my training that is amazing to me. I can run a 12 minute mile without stopping to pass out! I can run a mile, walk for 3 minutes and do it again! And again!! :) Praise God! I know....I still have lots of work to do, and I am a total beginner...but, I am so excited at this achievement! Since last Friday, I have been running about 2-3 miles a day, with those walking stretches in between. This Friday, Carol will push me a little farther, and although it scares the crud out of me....I know I will do it, and live another day. :)
Simply put....it's the living that is a little rough for me right now. Your love and prayers take me a long way...and I am forever blessed by the support and encouragement lavished on me.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 3:5-6
Yes, I desperately want to understand, get a grip on the reality that is mine...yet desiring that understanding is what is tripping me up! In all situations, circumstances, challenges...I MUST trust in the Lord with my whole heart. Saying I do....and actually daily living it....now, that is the journey for us all! :)
Today, because my paths are so crazily crooked...uncertain...messy and disheveled...I am CHOOSING to trust Him, knowing with everything that I am....He WILL make my paths straight!! Ugh.....the journey truly is moment to moment.
Gotta Run!
Proverbs 3:5-6
It's crazy to me that I pondered on this verse before posting it. In my mind, I wanted to find a verse that would speak to your heart and mine....a verse that would inspire us to press on, words that would strengthen our resolve to once again cast our burdens onto our Father...in faith. I have read this verse many times thru out the years, committed it to memory in Sunday school as a young girl....why did I pass it by, thinking I could find "something better"? At this time in my life, this verse breaks down all the words that could fill my mind, my mouth...to simply...trust in the Lord. Maybe the fact that this verse is soo familiar, is the exact reason why it is speaking volumes to my heart today. :)
I am happy to report that I have reached a point in my training that is amazing to me. I can run a 12 minute mile without stopping to pass out! I can run a mile, walk for 3 minutes and do it again! And again!! :) Praise God! I know....I still have lots of work to do, and I am a total beginner...but, I am so excited at this achievement! Since last Friday, I have been running about 2-3 miles a day, with those walking stretches in between. This Friday, Carol will push me a little farther, and although it scares the crud out of me....I know I will do it, and live another day. :)
Simply put....it's the living that is a little rough for me right now. Your love and prayers take me a long way...and I am forever blessed by the support and encouragement lavished on me.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 3:5-6
Yes, I desperately want to understand, get a grip on the reality that is mine...yet desiring that understanding is what is tripping me up! In all situations, circumstances, challenges...I MUST trust in the Lord with my whole heart. Saying I do....and actually daily living it....now, that is the journey for us all! :)
Today, because my paths are so crazily crooked...uncertain...messy and disheveled...I am CHOOSING to trust Him, knowing with everything that I am....He WILL make my paths straight!! Ugh.....the journey truly is moment to moment.
Gotta Run!
Monday, April 12, 2010
Menopause or Ugly flesh?
Menopause? Hormones? or just plain ugly flesh??
I sit here stewing in my own ugliness…..the kind that a shower does not wash away. Have you ever experienced that kind of ugliness? Maybe I’m the only one…..so let me break it down for you. This ugliness can be lethal to those in close proximity of me without a word leaving my mouth. It can seep out of my eyes as I stare you down because I am irritated that I had to wait a WHOLE 10 minutes for Katie to get in the car when I went to pick her up after school. It can make you tremble in fear as I choose to give out the silent treatment to anyone who asks me, “You ok?”… and let’s not forget the finale of nonsensical sentences I spew out with an angry tone because I am frustrated when I attempt to carry 6 bags of groceries into the house at one time, only to lose my grip on the case of soda just when I am almost up the stairs….and as it slips out of my hands, I look around to see who I can blame!!! Yeah…it’s that kind of ugly! Today’s innocent victim was my 15yr old daughter Katie who was the closest to me as my venom was unleashed. She was staring at me, waiting for my head to start spinning around while still connected to my neck, as green pea soup erupts out of my mouth! It’s this ugly moment that has me sitting on my bed, disgusted with myself. I take a deep steadying breath and walk back out into the living room, where Katie is desperately trying to “do something without me having to ask you to do it!”…..she looks at me with eyes that say she is bracing herself for the next assault…ouch. I go to her, hug her and tell her I am wrong, so wrong, and ask her for her forgiveness. I tell her, “I don’t know what is wrong with me Katie, today feels like an outfit that is too tight, out of style and the waistband is cutting off my circulation”. We continue hugging and she graciously accepts my apology, while I kiss her all over her face to assure her that “Mommy Dearest” has left the building!! It doesn’t matter that I accidentally sent Katie’s school tuition check to my CPA for my taxes, and sent my State and Federal Tax checks to the private college prep school Katie just got accepted into….. Nor does it matter that I woke up and spent glorious time with the Lord this morning reading my devotional and praying…….my behavior…MY BEHAVIOR...<<>>, is my choice. People, I don’t know if it is menopause, response to my medicine that apparently has lots of side effects, lack of sleep, stress overload….fill in the blanks….or just plain ugly flesh.. it boils down to the simple fact that I chose to be ugly and unleash it on the innocent.
It is sooo easy to go down the road of justification…..or take a stroll onto “I have a RIGHT to behave badly” boardwalk….and snuggle into the coziness of “cause life is hard” comfy couch. Again, the choice is mine…..”Lord, please strengthen my resolve to serve You and not myself, no matter what happens or doesn’t in each day You give me”. “Oh, and Lord, if You feel I need to buy a “mood” headband or visor to warn others, please lay that on my heart!”
I continue to wake up and run/walk with Carol…..I am running about 4 miles a day, and then have a long running day of about 6 to 7 miles on Fridays. We are making strides and I do feel and see the increase in my endurance, it is amazing to me that I can now run 6 to 7 minutes straight, then walk for 2 minutes, then repeat. We are shooting for me to run a mile straight without walking….and prayerfully I will do that before the month is over.
So, if there was anything to be gained from my ugliness, I think this sums it up best: “Take a deep breath, count to ten, don’t let anything come out of your mouth that you’ll be embarrassed to pen! Live always in His strength and in His peace, never forgetting that we have a sweet fragrance….or stinky odor…. that we can choose to release!"
Gotta Run!
I sit here stewing in my own ugliness…..the kind that a shower does not wash away. Have you ever experienced that kind of ugliness? Maybe I’m the only one…..so let me break it down for you. This ugliness can be lethal to those in close proximity of me without a word leaving my mouth. It can seep out of my eyes as I stare you down because I am irritated that I had to wait a WHOLE 10 minutes for Katie to get in the car when I went to pick her up after school. It can make you tremble in fear as I choose to give out the silent treatment to anyone who asks me, “You ok?”… and let’s not forget the finale of nonsensical sentences I spew out with an angry tone because I am frustrated when I attempt to carry 6 bags of groceries into the house at one time, only to lose my grip on the case of soda just when I am almost up the stairs….and as it slips out of my hands, I look around to see who I can blame!!! Yeah…it’s that kind of ugly! Today’s innocent victim was my 15yr old daughter Katie who was the closest to me as my venom was unleashed. She was staring at me, waiting for my head to start spinning around while still connected to my neck, as green pea soup erupts out of my mouth! It’s this ugly moment that has me sitting on my bed, disgusted with myself. I take a deep steadying breath and walk back out into the living room, where Katie is desperately trying to “do something without me having to ask you to do it!”…..she looks at me with eyes that say she is bracing herself for the next assault…ouch. I go to her, hug her and tell her I am wrong, so wrong, and ask her for her forgiveness. I tell her, “I don’t know what is wrong with me Katie, today feels like an outfit that is too tight, out of style and the waistband is cutting off my circulation”. We continue hugging and she graciously accepts my apology, while I kiss her all over her face to assure her that “Mommy Dearest” has left the building!! It doesn’t matter that I accidentally sent Katie’s school tuition check to my CPA for my taxes, and sent my State and Federal Tax checks to the private college prep school Katie just got accepted into….. Nor does it matter that I woke up and spent glorious time with the Lord this morning reading my devotional and praying…….my behavior…MY BEHAVIOR...<<
It is sooo easy to go down the road of justification…..or take a stroll onto “I have a RIGHT to behave badly” boardwalk….and snuggle into the coziness of “cause life is hard” comfy couch. Again, the choice is mine…..”Lord, please strengthen my resolve to serve You and not myself, no matter what happens or doesn’t in each day You give me”. “Oh, and Lord, if You feel I need to buy a “mood” headband or visor to warn others, please lay that on my heart!”
I continue to wake up and run/walk with Carol…..I am running about 4 miles a day, and then have a long running day of about 6 to 7 miles on Fridays. We are making strides and I do feel and see the increase in my endurance, it is amazing to me that I can now run 6 to 7 minutes straight, then walk for 2 minutes, then repeat. We are shooting for me to run a mile straight without walking….and prayerfully I will do that before the month is over.
So, if there was anything to be gained from my ugliness, I think this sums it up best: “Take a deep breath, count to ten, don’t let anything come out of your mouth that you’ll be embarrassed to pen! Live always in His strength and in His peace, never forgetting that we have a sweet fragrance….or stinky odor…. that we can choose to release!"
Gotta Run!
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