The Air I Breathe

There is something amazing that happens to us when we exceed our own expectations. I know I have felt it during this last year as I have pressed on with running and training for the upcoming Marathon. What a gift I have received each time I run farther than my last goal! As I have mentioned before, my "done" button was pressed a long time ago (by me)....yet I am learning there is more in me than I ever imagined! Thank you Lord for such knowledge! He walks and runs with me, revealing new strength in me that I had no idea I had. I am assured that what ever is in the future for me....the Marathon, writing, raising Katie, a profession... I will face all with a perspective I didn't have 16 months ago. Each day that I have lived in the last 16 months has been necessary in order to be standing as who I am today. Yes, I have opened my eyes to some days and then quickly closed them tightly, wanting to sleep it away. The praise that is on my lips today, is simply that those days have not outnumbered the others. Regardless of the emotions in my heart and soul....I cling to this amazing fact: Every breath brings me closer to the woman I have been created on purpose to be. So, I breathe. Something I truly have no control over. Strange, I have had my breath taken away, had it lodged deep in my throat with no escape, even felt it being sucked right out of me. Today, with each breath, I journey deeper into myself, always with His strength, guidance and amazing patience! I have sung "This is the Air I breathe" in worship so many times. So many times in fact, that when I was singing on the worship team, I would cringe a little when I saw it listed on the song list! Isn't that awful? To admit that is just the truth in my ugliness. Now, however, I meditate on the words that now minister to and reflect my very heart!

Gotta Run!

This is the air I breathe
This is the air I breathe
Your holy presence
Living in me

This is my daily bread
This is my daily bread
Your very word
Spoken to me

And I ... I'm desparate for you
And I ... I'm lost without you

This is air I breathe
This is air I breathe
Your holy presence
Living in me

This is my daily bread
This is my daily bread
Your very word
Spoken to me

And I ... I'm desparate for you
And I ... I'm lost without you (eh hey, yeah)
And I ... I'm desparate for you
And I ... I'm lost without you
And I ... I'm desparate for you
And I ... I'm lost without you
I'm lost without you
I'm lost without you
I'm lost without you (father)
I'm lost..without you

This is the air I breathe
This is the air I breathe

September Mourn.......

September was my mourning month. I'm not saying that when the calender flipped to October I was all smiles..but truly, September seemed to cover me in emotions I have been running away from.

It may have been because our last house guests left in the middle of August and we had no company coming until the first week in October. A month without guests...that hasn't happened since moving in our home in February. Don't get me wrong...having loving friends and family near has blessed us, but it has also allowed me to "live on the surface". Meaning, I have been able to care for others and keep my focus on their needs, which gave me the gift of not looking to closely at my reality.

September mourn.

October brought lovely friends who lavished love on us. It also brought longer runs on our Fridays. Today I did 18 miles. It amazes me how much mental preparation plays a part in this journey of training. Last week we ran 10 miles, and I was done after the last step. I couldn't have gone another mile...I dragged myself to the ocean and stayed there like a beached whale. Today after completing 18 miles, I was wiped..but did it. The mind is an amazing muscle. It's as if I work myself up to the long Friday all week...accepting in my mind the task before me..and I....JUST DO IT! :)

Last week my Pastor shared about the "Beauty in the crushing". Being crushed hurts..we hate it, we fight it, we look for an escape from it. Yet, it is in our season of crushing that our Lord refines us. To be made beautiful in Him is not a painless process. The hurt we feel as the outer layers get shaved away..only make us that much more beautiful.

My goal for the Honolulu Marathon is mine, but it is not my only goal. Another goal of mine is to continue to STAND in my crushing season....so that when you see beauty in me...you would only see HIM!

Gotta Run!