13 months and 2 days..but who's counting???

This morning I woke up with a mental "To Do" list running thru my head..instead of going back to sleep, I rolled out of bed and wrote it all down while it was still fresh in my mind. Grocery shop, check to see if Katie's computer has been cleaned of the virus she received, clean house, laundry, pack.... The list is longer and seems to grow faster than I can check things off. I am packing for my trip to North Carolina tonight. I will be attending the "She Speaks" writer's and speaker's conference for christian women for the next 4 days. My emotions range from excitement to see what God has waiting for all of us when we get there and a sickening feeling that I am going to a place filled with people who are truly gifted in these areas and I will discover that I do not belong. I'm clinging to the hope that the last thought is Satan messing with my head!!

As I look out my windows onto my front porch and take in the beauty of the ocean and let the smell and sound of it wash over me.... I can hear the Lord whispering, "Be obedient, walk where I lead, I got the rest". Simple enough, right????

My thoughts rest on my morning devotional and the truth that was there waiting for me.

What is my vision of God’s purpose for me? Whatever it may be, His purpose is for me to depend on Him and on His power now. If I can stay calm, faithful, and unconfused while in the middle of the turmoil of life, the goal of the purpose of God is being accomplished in me. God is not working toward a particular finish— His purpose is the process itself. What He desires for me is that I see “Him walking on the sea” with no shore, no success, nor goal in sight, but simply having the absolute certainty that everything is all right because I see “Him walking on the sea” ( Mark 6:49 ). It is the process, not the outcome, that is glorifying to God.

The bigger picture we think we are pressing towards is actually of little importance...the trust we place in Him during the process of getting wherever we think we are going IS HIS PURPOSE FOR US.

As I tackle my "To Do" list I will rest in this knowledge, I will prayerfully take it with me as I board my plane, and I will call on it as I sit amidst writer's and speaker's....and know my obedience to Him was my answer to His call.

13 months and 2 days since Skip went home to glory....

I miss him and think of him daily, he is apart of me that I am forever connected to and grateful for. My life is like nothing I expected....it reflects nothing of the goals we set and were pressing towards together... yet, I am convinced without a shadow of a doubt that I am living my days with the Lord holding my hand and I feel His gentle tugging when I dig my heels in because I don't want to take another step...I even say out loud, "No Lord, not one more step, not one more day, not one more hour...". He is beautifully patient!! He waits as I put my pitty party hat on, blow my pitty party horn, and light my pitty party candle. He sends me His words and reminds me that the goal is not getting wherever I think I am going...but the faith I live out during the journey. In that truth.... I take a deep breath and take another step...and yet another.

Gotta Run!

Trusting

Time has seemed to fly by while being on vacation in California. Katie and I have been able to spend time with Skip's family and we have treasured every minute. The rich conversations I have had with Skip's parents have shown me that the Lord has plans even when we feel we are depleted and unusable. Since arriving in California I have been coughing alot, a cough similar to the one I had when being re-diagnosed with Breast Cancer. My cough seemed to get progressively worse and I actually had to go to the ER and be treated. I am now taking steroids, anti-biotics and an inhaler.... I also injured my left foot while running and had to get a cortisone shot in my ankle and keep off it for 2 weeks. None of this was a part of "my plan".....yet, somehow the Lord has used it for His will, and allowed me to sit and be still and truly have quality time with Betty and Sam, Skip's parents. We have cried, laughed, questioned circumstances....and prayed together. This is where I see the hand of God. Praying with Skip's parents is our Father's will.....it is in these prayers that they and I find healing, comfort, peace and truly strength to lay all things before Him.

Sam and Betty are beautiful people who are hurting....they have lost both their sons in the last 6yrs. Sam is angry with God and has many questions....Betty aches and her heart is shattered..yet she is eager to pray and ask the Lord for His strength. They have been married for nearly 50yrs. Being with them and spending time with them is the very best...and yet it is also extremely hard...a double-edged sword. I look at them, watch them hold hands in the car...snuggle on the couch...remind each other to take his or her medicine...and I feel my eyes fill with tears, as I long for what they have. In the midst of aching for what I miss, I trust the Lord and I know He walks me thru each day and moment. My life is His.. the cost, for all of us, has been counted by Him, His provisions for us are the equipping we need to breathe deep, wipe away the tears, and fall to our knees as He shows us His beauty in the ashes.


My training has suffered...my prayer is that this week ahead will allow me to press into running again. My cough is improving and diminishing, all good signs and reasons to lace up my tennies!!

Gotta Run!