The Parent Trap

How many times have we as parents wanted to press the PAUSE button in the middle of a heated tongue lashing we are spewing out on our children? For me, the truth is too often to be proud of! The PAUSE button would instantly freeze the moment, allowing me to walk away, gather my thoughts and cool down. I could call Focus on the Family and ask for their expert guidance. I could lace up my running shoes and go for a quick run to exhaust myself physically and to gather my thoughts. I could look up scriptures to back up my side of the argument, then “lovingly” SHOVE them all down her throat! Or..I could, I should, I will…simply pray. Ugh!! Why is it so painful to humble myself in front of my daughter? Regardless if I am accurate in my anger, correct in my counseling, godly in my godly wisdom…if I am spewing it…how am I glorifying my God?

I was woken up this morning by the sound of car brakes squealing and metal scraping. I jumped out of bed with surprising agility and ran out my front door (thank you Lord that I had my pj bottoms on!), to find my daughter in my little red convertible stuck on the steep slant of our driveway. Halfway down she scraped the rock wall that frames our driveway and was now uncertain how to adjust forward, thus the repetitive scraping noise! I stood at the top of our driveway looking down at her assessing the situation. I guided her on which way to turn the wheel, guided her back up the driveway, then once she was straightened out, guided her back down. Honestly, when I ran outside and saw that she was okay, immediate relief filled my heart. The puzzling piece is how quickly that relief turned to irritation as I saw the paint scraped off the backside of my car!!! Talk about being hit by waves of emotions! I stood there as she backed out. I watched her as she cleared the driveway and pointed the car towards the direction she was heading. She paused and looked up at me. I stood there looking at her. She continued to look at me. I continued to stand there. She then said what anyone would say, the only thing to say... “Sorry”.

This event took placed at 6:40am this morning and it is now 1:45pm. At 10:00am I received a text from Katie saying, “Hi…..” I didn't respond. I was coming home from the dentist and my tooth that is infected was killing me and I was in no mood to reply. Since then the Lord has walked me through a series of truths. He pressed a PAUSE button. He allowed me to hear His voice and confirm what I knew to be true. Katie needs grace and mercy. Katie needs my covering. The words that were whirling in my head are not words that she needs to hear or get blasted with. Accidents are just that...accidents. In the middle of running my errands today I bought a brownie pan and brownie mix, I think I will have them cooling by the time Katie comes home.

With God’s help, at 1:30pm today, I sent this reply text to Katie… ”It’s just a car. It’s fixable. You are safe, that means more to me. Don’t be afraid to come home… I have given it to the Lord. Love, Mom”.

We could get caught up with our questions of “why”…or we can PAUSE, take our thoughts captive and actually say and do what He wills. It requires an obedient heart and the dying of ourselves, nothing more than what Jesus did for us.

Although this blog is meant for my marathon training, I shared the above story to remind myself how great we can be when we live in the shadow of His wings!

20 days until the Marathon!!!!

Gotta Run!

20 miles down...26 days to go!

I woke up today with a huge headache...a headache that has lasted 3 days! I got bit by an awful stomach bug Friday night..which has now bit my "Katie bug". So, here we are, in my bed...each of us with our own rolls of toilet paper, cough drops and trash cans beside each of our sides of the bed. Our coughing and moans are creating quite a symphony!

Last thing I remember before the aches and pains took over my body..is completing 20 miles on Friday!! 20 miles! Just typing 20 miles makes me smile! Thank you Lord! 26 more days until the Marathon!

The reality of what I have been training for since January is settling in deeper with every passing day. To actually be less than a month away from my goal is a little overwhelming emotionally. I set this goal in motion as a tangible way for me to show Katie that my future isn't necessarily a short one due to my diagnosis. Training has been an even bigger journey of discovery than I could have ever imagined!

Just over 6 months after Skip went home to Jesus is when my training began. Today, 10 months later..I can honestly say I know myself better because of where running has taken me. My heart yearns, still hurts, aches even to see Skip's face waiting for me at the Finish Line..but I trust that the Lord knew my pain and the depth of it, and He meets me in it. He meets me. Although I will not be greeted by Skip after 26.2 miles, I will be greeted.

Please keep me in your prayers, 20 miles was tough! Adding even a half mile more seems daunting.

On race day, before I even begin mile 1...I will reflect on this truth: He guides me, I follow, His plans come to fruition..not mine!

Gotta Run!