Breathing

Since June 26, 2009, I have flown over 28 times. This count includes this past weekend when we went to Colorado for 2 weddings. The amount of traveling we have done astounds me, yet this last trip marked the last of our planned travels until summer. Not only did I fly over 28 times in the last almost 8 months...I flew over 28times without Skip. Katie or myself booked the flights, rented the cars and made the hotel reservations. Prior to June 26th, I had never done any of these things, they always fell under the category of "Skip's job". I'm not proud of this fact, it just was.

I now fly, pay bills, balance the checkbook and am currently gathering paperwork to file our taxes. I was blessed for 23yrs with someone who did these things and so much more for our family...and everyday I pray that I bring him honor as I learn to do them for myself. His example has left quite an impression on me, and I pray his and now my example will do the same for our daughter. "Lord, grow me, shape me, mold me into Your image daily".

There are things I would have done differently...said...had I known "that Friday" was the last we would have....that phone call when he called just before paddling out to say, "Babe, thank you for letting me come surf, I love you and can't wait to see you and Katie tomorrow....." So many things I wish I could tell him or say to him now....but I know in my heart, he sees us and is cheering us on from moment to moment. I cling to that thought.

I walked with Carol today, up that hill that kills me, but rewards me with an amazing view when we turn and come back down. As my body grew tired and I was breathing harder, my thoughts drifted to the past, my "old life"....where I couldn't recall doing anything regularly that caused me to be physically exhausted, or become breathless. Skip had always encouraged me to be more active...yet I was content with my routine and our family time. Every time I lace up my running shoes I smile inside as I picture him cheering me on, as I know he would have gotten a huge kick out of my running. :)

"Babe, it's definitely a different life that I am living....keep cheering me on. Imagining your arms outstretched to me at every Finish Line I cross gives me encouragement".

My breathing...in and out..as I exhaust myself, as I pay the bills and raise our daughter, echoes in my ears, and I push on, knowing at that moment when I feel like I can't take another step, wake up another morning without you...I will, because that's my journey. Breathing. Some days are just about.....breathing.

Gotta Run!