Setback??

I considered not writing at all today...but remembered this journaling is about my journey pressing towards a goal that was set on my heart....my journey to run the Honolulu Marathon. That doesn't mean I only write about my progress....or my successes....the journey is the whole enchilada....even days that may be considered setbacks.

I guess I viewed today as a setback. My cough, which is a symptom of the cancer in my lungs was and is kicking my butt today. Sometimes it appears out of the blue...I could be talking as clear as a bell and all of a sudden a shortness of breath takes over in the middle of a word...and then the strong urge to cough overtakes me right in the middle of the word or sentence I was completing. Then, as quickly as it came...it goes away. Random. Some who know me well, joke with me and say the cough is from the Lord to basically shut me up! To tell me to quiet my mouth. There may be truth to that since I have been known to leave voicemails so long I use the entire tape and have to press 1 to start over.....or I continue talking even when the cellular call was dropped minutes ago....only to have that same person call me back while words are still streaming out of my mouth.... :)

Today's cough lasted all day and is still with me into the night. It doesn't hurt when I cough....but I think it pains the listener...as the love they feel for me causes them to be pained by the obvious discomfort it sounds that I am in.

I live on Maui, an island close to the Big Island, which has active volcanoes that cause ash to fly around and create a "vog" in the air when the volcanos go off...which can cause regular breathing to be a problem, make people with asthma cringe....and apparently me, someone with cancer in my lungs....to cough non-stop, causing a minor setback in my run/walk advancing. When vog is a problem, I need to shut the windows and turn on our a/c and basically stay inside.

With that said, the day is not a total waste. I know this desire to run this marathon was not born by a desire I created...if I am to do this, it will be God directing the entire thing...with moments of setbacks and days of progress already factored in. For me, it was hard to get to that place of understanding today...although I know I am facing quite a big challenge, I didn't want to face that my cough, my health, could take a day away from me......yet that is the reality I live in.

Thankfully, I can rest in the complete knowledge that He is in control and I am not. He showed me my weakness today and reminded me once again, that when my feet move, it's because He chooses to move them. There is peace in that. Thanks for reading my heart. I look forward to tomorrow, whatever it brings.

Gotta Run